The Love Dog News

Issue #10 7/05/2011


Some New Thoughts On The Inner Family

(the little one, the inner mama and inner papa)

A Pathway to Inner Independence Day

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Sometimes I go about pitying myself,

and all the time

I am being carried on great winds

across the sky.

- Chippewa song-

In this Issue of The Love Dog News:

The Love Dog News is a free quarterly newsletter for those of us who long for love, authenticity, and truth. Issues contain messages from Patricia Flasch and Leading From the Heart, inspirational thoughts and stories, and tools to use in your life. Subscribe Now

I offer this newsletter in a Spirit of Tenderness and with all my love, Patricia

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Message from Patricia

Dear Hearts,

It's been awhile since I've written a newsletter. I'm a bit rusty and I also have a sense it's 'time.' These last few months I've been doing a new level of inner work that I thought might be of interest to you.

First off, we've included a link to an incredible YouTube video of a young Korean man who lived on the streets without any parents at all and, just look at the VOICE HE DEVELOPED. There is hope for us all. Here is the link to the video.

I've been going through this process; some of it related to the unrest in our larger world and some related to the unrest in my inner world. It's probably the longest time period for twenty years or so that I've been feeling disconnected and disengaged. It may not look like that on the outside but way deep inside it's a truth that I've been struggling with.

Fortunately, in the work I do with clients heart to heart, I am always able to put aside my own concerns and be present. This is a gift and I am truly grateful. Perhaps being authentic and available to myself in my own process IS what allows this ongoing connection with clients irrespective of the inner journey that I am working with. And, I do know that my depth holds a space for those I work with to go into their own depth and truths. How lucky is that?

Yesterday I spent more than an hour sharing with my partner, David, how truly disconnected I have been feeling. The list was endless, in terms of all the ways I felt separate. My inner child, Patti, was at the front of the line, feeling abandoned by David. Then, he made his list. I was thinking that he's more interested in watching sports than in me and he was thinking I'm more interested in reading books than in him. I was thinking that I'm on the bottom of his list, after all the things he does that matter to him - he was thinking the same. The discussion was passionate, emotional, and heartfelt.

Right after this long sharing, we connected, truly connected. This morning I am deeply appreciating having a partner that can listen so deeply and respond in kind. Once again I see that telling the emotional truth frees us to move on to our next experiences. And caring for our inner child brings caring and maturity into our worlds.

Right alongside my recent struggles, I've been searching for new tools and new ways to be with myself to see both how I can accept this place I've been visiting so regularly and how I can work with it. I started thinking about the 'inner child' work I had been so drawn to for many years and how it might be a time to revisit and deepen that work.

I have many early childhood memories of feeling quite connected with myself, my 7 year old idea of God and my family. Then I lost my dad in an accident and my mom in the wake of her unrelenting grief and depression Suddenly, I lost that sense of connection and it was years before I found a way to return.

I know that my readers have also had experiences from your earlier lives that were heartbreaking and connection shattering. Some of you came from families of divorce, alcoholism, mental illness, and parents who had no idea how to nurture you by giving you a sense of roots and wings. This is not a 'blame the parents' newsletter; it is rather, a chance to see how your history impacts your life today.

Before I give an example of how to work with the 'inner family,' I want to share about who that family is exactly. So, the inner child is the part of us that lives deep inside and has early childhood wounding. When we are triggered by a situation today that feels like a piece of our old memories, we become regressed. We return to that young place and to a voice that is hurt, scared, guilty, mad, sad and lost. Our adult seems to have taken a hike. Our capacity to observe our emotions is lost and we are right smack dab in the middle of their seemingly relentless hold on us.

Our inner mama, or inner feminine, is the part of ourselves who offers listening, nourishing, holding, and the capacity to parent our inner child from a female perspective. If you can imagine someone in your life that was kind and clear and offered you an unconditional love, that person would depict the qualities that you could give your inner feminine. My grandma was an early role model for me - Oprah might be another example.

Our inner papa, or inner masculine, is the part of ourselves who offers ideas, direction, and boundaries, sets goals and follows through with attaining them. The inner male listens to the inner female and the child and takes in their perspectives and then takes steps to support the family by taking action. My grandpa played that role in my life early on and, in subsequent years, I have had a few great male therapists who were also in touch with their own feminine side.

Today I can easily access my little one, "Patti", and I have an inner mama and papa that have tremendous skill in caring for me. (I call them Mary and Harry). Building an inner family is a way of creating an inner life rich with listening to the old memories and subsequent feelings as well as finding ways to take care of yourself in the world. This is something we can all do. I believe that part of what we are doing here is to find within what we didn't have without. We are here to grow ourselves up and then be able to pass that on. Here is an example from my own life of using the system I've been describing.

Our sweet dog, Rosie, died suddenly about a week ago. While David and I were having a small gathering in her name, we decided that it would be a good thing for us to wait at least a year to have another dog. We wanted to feel the empty space and see how that would be for us. Then, just yesterday, we heard a report from Los Alamos that as people were evacuating their homes because of New Mexico wild fires, homes were needed to temporarily shelter animals. Here's the inner dialogue that occurred in my inner family.

Little One: I want to help. I love dogs. I miss Rosie. They need me. Please. I really need to go get a doggie. I'm so sad about Rosie and she would like it if we helped a dog. I'm scared and I need a dog.

Inner Mama: I hear you, sweet child of my heart. You are sad and scared and lost without a dog and you really, really want to help. Come on up on my lap and let me hold you. I love you. Thank you for being so brave in telling me your feelings. Stay with me awhile while we check in with Dad.

Inner Papa: I hear you, too, sweet girl of mine. We all love dogs with our whole hearts. But, you know, right now, because Rosie just died, we need to grieve and we agreed to have some space from puppy care . So, sweetie, this is what we'll do. We're going to take Rosie's toys and bones and balls down to the shelter as well as all of her food and some money so we can help. We can talk about getting a dog later. Meanwhile, I'm sorry you are sad and it's okay for you to be sad. There is plenty of room for all of your feelings.

The dialogue between the inner family members might be a much longer conversation with more reassurance offered, and more actions taken, but for purposes of the newsletter I wanted to clarify the sense of these voices. I appreciate your willingness to read and consider new ideas on your path of self-discovery.

Till next time, know You are held in the arms of love.


PS: I've written 3 poems that became a trilogy and decided to share them with those of you who are sparked by poetry. The first is "Holy Misery" which is about owning then releasing an old body image spell and finding emotional freedom within the poem. The second is "And, then I hit my head", which is what happened on the same day just after the first poem - a 'wake up call' kind of poem. The third is "And, then my dog died." Again, same day - it's a 'welcoming of grief' kind of poem. If you are interested, please go to

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Coming Attractions

Patricia has Availability
Patrica has the availability to work with 2 new clients who would like to telecommute,
Call her at 505-577-1444 if you or someone you know is interested.

Poetry Salon
Patricia is considering offering a salon fostering her own deep love of poetry and making poetry more available in Santa Fe. Perhaps this once a month event would be called, "The Santa Fe Poetry Salon: Learning the Poems that Touch Your Heart, by Heart."

Patricia is also seeing if there is an interest from folks around the world to attend a once a month "for the love of poetry salon" via telephone.

Your comments would be greatly appreciated prior to this launch. Email

If you enjoy this newsletter, and would like to receive future issues, please go to the web site at to sign up. When you subscribe, you will receive a FREE copy of The Vehicle of Self Compassion, a chapter from Patricia's book, Becoming a Love Dog. This is a dynamic system of self-management Patricia uses and teaches.

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Bulletin Board

Tune in to a podcast of Patricia being interviewed by Joanna Harcourt-Smith, dated July 4, 2009, on Listen to this fascinating discussion of Becoming a Love Dog: From Emptiness to Tenderness. Then take some time to listen to some of the many other fascinating interviews in the Future Primitive archives.

Order Becoming a Love Dog: From Emptiness to Tenderness! This book is a map for all of us: Rumi lovers, spiritual seekers, and those simply desiring richer lives, to continue along the path of emotional maturity and spiritual integration. Patricia invites you, within the pages of this book, to become a love dog as you enter more deeply into the inner landscape of your own soul.

Order Becoming a Love Dog: From Emptiness to Tenderness from

Definition of a LOVE DOG
Rumi, the 13th century Persian Mystic, coins the term love dog in his ecstatic poetry. He says that a dog's moaning for his Master IS the connection with the Master. A love dog is someone who yearns to deepen their connection with the unseen world. This is the world of love, communion, inspiration, compassion, tenderness, truth, authenticity, emptiness and the Divine rather than the world of creating victory over another, deception, being right, or amassing fortune and power.

"Come, Come, Whoever You Are. Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vow a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come." - Hafiz


Do you want to refer to past issues of the newsletter?  Now you can.  They are posted on the website newsletter page.

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About Patricia

Patricia has always been fascinated by the discovery of her own soul.  In her career as counselor, mentor, and coach she has spent a lifetime passing on her learning to countless students. It is Patricia's intention to be a hollow flute for Truth and Tenderness. In other words, to allow Truth and Tenderness to whisper in her ear and for her to whisper, accordingly, in the student's ear.

Patricia realizes she can work with only a limited number of people through her private practice. Therefore, her new emphasis is to touch and inspire soul seekers through this newsletter, workshops and writing.

Patricia lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico with her husband, David.

Patricia's purpose statement:  To welcome the most willing souls on earth, the love dogs, into a partnership of truth and tenderness so they can leave their caves, stand in all their glory and celebrate with their tribe.
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Patrica's newsletter design,  web site design and  maintenance, and technical editing provided by David Chittak Caldwell, Please direct technical suggestions, problems and questions to